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12/27/2019 0 Comments

Parenting the Zodiac

Depending on what month and day you were born, you have a corresponding zodiac sign that contributes to shaping your personality trait. Your sun sign, the zodiac sign typically associated with astrology, is the constellation that was behind the sun at the time of your birth.

While it is fun and useful to know and understand your own zodiac sign, it is also helpful to know and understand the astrological signs of those around you, especially your children. Keeping in mind your kids’ sun signs helps you to more effectively parent them in ways they will respond to best.

There are several factors that can assist you in understanding zodiac signs. Astrology is a very complex science that one can study for an entire lifetime. For the purpose of this study, the main points to get you started are listed below. First thing’s first, determine your child’s sun sign by visiting a free astrological chart generator site such as cafeastrology.com or astro.com.

The Four Elements

Each astrological sign has an associated element which helps describe the unique personality type of your child.

Fire (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius)
If your child was born under a Fire sign, most likely they have a ‘fiery’ personality. They might be passionate, a go-getter, eager to explore, and high energy. They might be extroverted, talkative, attention seekers, or even adrenaline junkies. Fire signs need ample opportunities to express themselves physically through sports or athletics, and they may do very well in high-energy career opportunities such as entrepreneurship, sales, or law.
DO: Let them play sports, have lemonade stands, and join clubs
DON’T: Make them sit still for too long

Earth (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn)
Earth signs are interested in stability, safety, and structure. They are usually very practical, or ‘down to earth’. They are loyal, determined, and are great helpers, enjoying being of use to others. It is imperative that Earth signs have routine and structure in their daily lives to make them feel safe and secure.
DO: Have a set daily routine, be very clear on expectations, and give them quiet alone time
DON’T: Be ambiguous with schedules or expectations, beat around the bush, or assume things

Air (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius)
Air signs are usually very cerebral, relying more heavily on facts and logic than on feelings and emotions. These are the people who may have their ‘head in the clouds’. They are the dreamers of the zodiac. They do well with mastering abstract ideas and concepts and then relaying those ideas to others in language other people can understand. Air signs can excel in science, politics, and communications. They like when people ask them what they think about something.
DO: Give them freedom to explore different ideas, ask for their opinion, encourage solving riddles and puzzles, and give them books
DON’T: Tell them “because I said so” when they ask “why”. They are genuinely curious ‘why’.

Water (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces)
The people born to Water signs are highly emotionally based, meaning they give merit to their emotions over intellect. Many water signs are considered empaths who can easily pick up on the emotions of others. Water signs are usually ‘deep’ people, who enjoy exploring nontraditional ideas and ways of doing things. They like when people ask them how they feel about something. They do well with lots of space and freedom to express their emotions and can make fantastic writers, artists, and musicians.
DO: Give them room to feel all of their emotions without judgement, encourage a creative outlet, and let them set the pace with dialogue
DON’T: Criticize them for expressing emotion, discourage creativity, or force them into a rigid schedule or routine

The 12 Signs of the Zodiac

Each astrological sign has its own set of characteristics and needs. Below you will find a brief overview for each. By working with your child’s sign and inherent tendencies and needs, you can parent them accordingly to help them feel accepted, valued, and appreciated in the world.

Aries
Characteristics: First sign of the Zodiac means this sign likes to be first. Usually a trendsetter, natural leader, a bit stubborn, independent, likes to start projects (may have trouble finishing them), confident, can be naïve or overly trusting (because they expect everyone to be like them), a natural team captain or CEO.
Needs: Support in starting (and finishing) projects, independence, freedom, opportunities to lead groups, opportunities to build and lead teams.

Taurus
Characteristics: Taurus’ sign is the bull. Not the rampaging, violent bull, but more like the happy bull munching on dandelions in an open field. Taurus people enjoy beauty and pleasantries, and they are usually good with money. They are very deliberate. They are slow to action, but once moving, they will not stop until the project is complete, usually to perfection.
Needs: Plenty of time and space to make decisions, opportunities to fail with grace to learn that failure and imperfections are okay.

Gemini
Characteristics: Witty, quick-minded, intellectual, curious, good communicators, enjoy social settings, likable. Their constellation is the Twins, which means they can easily see two sides of something, or all perspectives, and they sometimes play devil’s advocate because they can see valid points to both sides. This makes them great mediators, match-makers, and negotiators.
Needs: Opportunities to speak (or write) their mind openly without criticism, lots of new experiences to think and form opinions about, a variety of learning topics and methods.

Cancer
Characteristics: Cancer is represented by the Crab. Quiet, solitary, emotional, defensive when threatened, and attached to their homes and family. Cancer symbolizes the Mother – caring, nurturing, and defensive when necessary. Cancers are typically very nostalgic and can be borderline hoarders because every item is sentimental to them. They are very in touch with their emotions, and they freely express them. This also makes them very good at picking up other people’s emotions. Tip: learn more about Empaths.
Needs: Imperative to have a safe environment to express their emotions without criticism. Never say “Boys don’t cry” to a Cancer male. Encourage journaling or music for emotional expression.

Leo
Characteristics: Leo the Lion is truly the King of the Jungle, or so he thinks. Usually these people are very proud, confident, outgoing, relaxed, cheerful, warm-hearted, enjoy being the center of attention, want to be heard and appreciated, and are very charming. They can also get annoyed or angry when they are not being heard or getting attention.
Needs: Undivided attention, even adoration. Opportunities to explore leadership roles, acting, law, and business management. Support in using their charm for good, instead of for selfish means.

Virgo
Characteristics: Virgos are very practical, organized, meticulous even. They like things in order and making sense practically. They are very earthy, meaning they pay most attention to physical, tangible things. They like science because hypotheses can be tested and proven. They like evidence and proof. They are planners and strategists and love routines.
Needs: A clear plan and daily routine, a clean house/room, a specific place to put away each of their things, space and time to be able to get their things in order. Gentle guidance and support in allowing for the imperfections and messiness of life.

Libra
Characteristics: Libra is all about relationships. Libras are very social. They are interested in fairness, justice, giving every voice equal opportunity to be heard. They are excellent mediators because they want everyone to get along. Watch for codependency. Libras would put their own needs aside for the good of the partnership or the group. Extremely caring individuals.
Needs: Social awareness, participation in groups like Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts where they can be helpful as a group, praise for their efforts to care for others. Also need to be taught the importance of self-care, so as not to lose themselves in the needs of others.

Scorpio
Characteristics: This is the deep dive into all things taboo. Scorpio deals with topics not discussed at the dinner table. Sex, death, debt, deep emotional hurts, intimacy. Scorpios are not satisfied with the mundane. Scorpio looks for the deeper meaning in things and is not afraid to talk about them. They can be the epitome of the phoenix rising, always dying off to their old ways to rebirth and reinvent themselves into something new. They also have a nasty sting with that scorpion tail, so watch for a temper!
Needs: Encouragement to journal their thoughts or talk about their deep thoughts with a trusted friend or family member. They need new ways to express themselves creatively, deep conversations, and a safe place to express their deep emotions. Help them understand that most of the world lives in the mundane, and they need discernment as to with whom to share their deep emotional world safely.

Sagittarius
Characteristics: Great travelers of mind and body. Sagittarians love to travel, explore, read, and learn big, philosophical ideas. They have a very expansive worldview and are interested in global issues. These are the people who have a hundred stamps on their passport. They want to see every new place and meet all walks of life from every culture. They are truly and forever students of life.
Needs: Ways to explore their world, either with physical travel, reading to learn new things, or both. They need lots of freedom, space, and room to explore. Give them permission and encouragement to leave the nest when it is time. A study abroad program or attending an international university may be perfect for a Sagittarian student.

Capricorn
Characteristics: The part of the body represented by Capricorn is the skeleton, and this is because Capricorns create and thrive in structure. They are excellent in creating structure where there is chaos, creating special teams to solve specific problems, and drawing up plans to follow. Capricorn symbolizes the Father – a gentle leader, a loving but strong presence. They desire to be recognized and appreciated.
Needs: Structure, or the opportunity to create structure and lead teams. They like a clear plan instead of open-ended plans, so tell the Capricorn child what the plan is for the day, and then STICK TO IT as much as possible. Capricorns feel insecure when previously laid out plans are not followed. Also, teach the Capricorn that sometimes things happen, and plans need to be adjusted.

Aquarius
Characteristics: Aquarians are idealistic, free thinkers who can be a bit rebellious. They are interested in all things social. Whereas Libra wants to be a part of the group, Aquarians want to lead the group and set its direction. They are interested in seeing what’s wrong with society and revolutionizing things for the better. They like to deal with big issues by responding in a big way. These are the inspirational leaders who can rally people for a greater cause. For example, Oprah Winfrey is an Aquarius.
Needs: Opportunities to explore and draw conclusions about social issues. A chance to participate as a leader, such as in student council. Freedom and encouragement to form opinions and develop solutions. Opportunities to lead groups.

Pisces
Characteristics: Deep, deep, deep. Pisces are interested in the underworld, the shadow side of things, the subconscious, the hidden. They are caring toward those individuals that are “hidden” from society, such as addicts, mental health sufferers, the elderly, and underdogs. They also tend to themselves suffer from mental illness, addictions, etc. The Pisces constellation is a pair of fish, representing water. And like water, Pisces people flow into every crack and space. They are not afraid of going where other people won’t go. Much like Cancer, Piscean people have an extra sensitive sense of feeling, capable of feeling the emotions of those around them. Learn more about Empaths.
Needs: Space to feel all their feelings and express them without criticism. A firm grasp of reality of the physical realm, perhaps by involvement in physical things like sports, fitness, or gardening. Encouragement if they display any signs of psychic ability.

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12/13/2019 0 Comments

5 Tips to Fully Appreciate Your Newborn

I remember the days when I was SO OVER being pregnant. I was about 35 weeks into my pregnancy and was so tired of being swollen and having insomnia and heartburn. I wanted to have my body back. I wanted to have comfortable sex again! I was so ready to meet my little baby and be done with the pregnancy.

I can tell you that at three weeks postpartum, I still have some of these same complaints! The nurse gave me too much IV fluid during delivery, so I have been even more swollen after pregnancy than during. Pregnancy insomnia? I’m happy if I get a solid three hours of sleep between nursing sessions each night. Heartburn has been replaced with constant abdominal cramping. Having my body back is still a dream, as my breasts are now feeding machines for this tiny human. And sex? It is still an elusive fantasy of some future date when the doctor says I’m in the clear, and when, somehow, I feel good enough to make love again.

My problem is that I’m always looking for the next thing. This has been a constant struggle in my life. I think the next thing will make me feel better than I do now. What I’ve learned in my decades on this planet is that the only thing we have is NOW, and if I’m not appreciating the NOW, I’m missing everything!

A life lived in the future, waiting for some future event, is a life that gets passed by.

So throughout the first month of being a new mom (again), I’ve learned some valuable tips in appreciating the NOW of mothering a newborn.

5 Tips to Fully Appreciate Your Newborn

1. Lower Your Expectations

There is no such thing as the perfect newborn photo session, perfect night of sleep, perfect outfit, perfect mothering, or perfect relationship with your partner. Expecting that your life should be a certain way, or that your body should look a certain way, or your baby should behave a certain way only sets you up for disappointment.

Now is the time to drastically lower your expectations. Sometimes, taking a shower is the best accomplishment of my day. My only expectation now is that it is going to take time for both me and my baby to adjust to this new life. In the meantime, it is my top priority to learn everything I can about my new baby.

2. Accept your Baby is Now your Master

This baby is learning how to do everything from scratch. Everything, and I mean everything from breathing to swallowing to feeling air on his skin, is new to him. He needs this time to acclimate to being outside the womb. And it needs to feel as safe as possible for him.

I needed to accept this by learning to work WITH my newborn’s schedule instead of forcing him into MY schedule. There will be a time to enforce my routine and rules, but the first month of this life is not that time. When he cries, it's because he is hungry or wet or just needs to be cuddled by his parents. If he cries now, it's for a reason. He is not old enough to know how to manipulate adults. That comes later!

3. Get Alone Time

Alone time is essential, even if it’s just an hour without baby while you make the bed, drop in a load of laundry, and shower. Or don't do anything at all but sleep. That's fine too!

We have to remember we were Women first, before we were Mothers. Our needs are just as important after the baby is born than they were before the baby is born. We may need to rearrange some things to make sure those needs are still being met.

Which leads me to the next point.

4. Let People Help

This one is super important. All the people who say, “Let me know if I can bring over dinner” – let them bring you dinner. The ones that offer to babysit “anytime” – take them up on it, and go on a date night with your partner. The ones that offer to come over to watch the baby, so you can sleep for a couple hours – YES!! They are offering because they want to help you and they REALLY want to spend time with your baby. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Also, if the baby's dad is in your life, let him help you too! One thing I've learned about dads (especially first time dads) is that they want to help but sometimes don't know how, or they feel inadequate. This is when we can become our partner's biggest cheerleader.

There have been times when I've had to get very specific with my partner about how to care for our newborn. Instead of saying, "Can you watch the baby for a while," I will say something like "Can you change the baby's diaper and then feed him a bottle? I am going to take a shower and will be busy for about 20 minutes." This gives him a structure and framework to work with, instead of leaving things ambiguous. Men do well with structure.

5. Enjoy It! – This time goes SO FAST! Learn to stay in the moment. It’s hard to not think about all the things you’re missing out on or all the things you need to do when you’re stuck to your rocking chair for the eighth time of the day with a baby on your boob. But really, try to enjoy and savor these little moments. They go so fast, and soon enough, they’ll be too big to hold, and you’ll be wondering when the heck your little baby grew up so fast. She grew up so fast while you were waiting for the next big thing, or while you were wishing he would hurry and go to sleep so you can clean the house.

Enjoy these tiny moments with your baby!

Bonus Tip - Take TONS of photos and videos. All those little baby expressions and sounds will be captured on video beautifully. You will treasure them later. My partner and I started a YouTube channel as a repository for our baby’s videos. It’s a private channel just for us and our families, and it lets us easily upload video right from our phones, so we have a long-term place to store our memories of this amazing time in our lives.

You’ve got this, Mama! It gets easier. I promise.

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I am a mom of three, marketing guru, and founding CEO of Moms Next Door, Inc., a nonprofit organization fulfilling basic family needs so mothers can prioritize their own self care. I hold a degree in psychology and have years of study in self-care, mental illness, addictions recovery, codependency, and spirituality. I invite you to come with me on this journey to guilt free self care. Every mother, every woman for that matter, needs a safe place to vent, to learn, to advance, and to be supported and lifted up. This blog and The Ascended Mom community was created to provide exactly that.

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Parenting the Zodiac

The Four Elements

The 12 Signs of the Zodiac

5 Tips to Fully Appreciate Your Newborn

5 Tips to Fully Appreciate Your Newborn

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